It's Still How It Is On Day 9
It is early .. I am in bed .. I can see the sky .. little white clouds drift past my window .. another perfect spring day begins. I go to the bathroom, I never wash my face with soap .. today, the lather feels soft on my hands, I wash my face with the soap, I cradle my face in the towel, holding the weight of my head, my whole world in my hands.
It's another bad day
I want to create anyway
Not wanting ever to stop
Today, there are many bottle tops
To thread onto string
Make them into something
Which will resemble a
Multi-coloured mandala
Paper daffodils on card
Why does life seem so hard
Leaves green, flowers yellow
I begin to feel mellow
It comes and it goes
There are highs, there are lows
While the sky remains grey
My spine calls to me 'Hey'
It's not over and done
Don't give up on the sun
It's still there, so am I
Floating up, way up high
It's just gone for a while
Will return, make me smile
It will shine on my face
And give me the grace
To take care when I can
Gently hold onto my hand
To be kind to myself
For within there is wealth
That just waits to be told
It's time to unfold
SH April 2006
I take a mandala book down from the shelf, it falls open at 'A Garland Of Flowers' .. I sit quietly, my mind is not still, there is too much going on .. I gaze at eternity in the centre of the image before me .. there is a ring of larger flowers, mainly subtle pinks, they are delicate flowers with delicate petals .. they remind me of the need right now for me to go gently with myself. There is one, a red dog rose, it is a wonderful red .. it speaks of strength and depth .. it is at the base of the structure ...... the sky moves on and on, the clouds drift in covering the blue.
I have collapsed many times already this morning as my space is disturbed .. I come into my body and relax .. why put myself through it .. I decide to continue my day downstairs for a while and not in my room .. thereby removing the stress of interruption - is that heart ?
I feel in need of some letting go today - I take my 'lifeline' mandala from a few weeks ago into the garden to the side of the house, with my mandala candle holder .. once again it is too windy .. once again, I persevere .. I burn the mandala to let go .. I cannot light the candles, it is far too windy .. I come back in and begin to make my chain of bottletops for this mornings creation.
'A New Day Has Come' is on the stereo .. I hammer holes in 181 bottletops and thread them onto the string. I make a (smaller than anticipated) mandala. The dog likes it .. it smells nice !! He also likes the ball of string and he can't understand why I won't let him play .. he's happy to go in goal.
Following the successful completion of this particular creation, I retire to my room. I feel very low, I put Lambadas from Brazil on the stereo and sit to make uplifting, brightly coloured daffodils and put them into a mandala. I draw a tearful mandala - the tears remind me of a dragon, to which I add feet and eyes !
I colour many mandalas, it is peaceful and quiet inside myself .. the music continues into North American Raindance and Oceania Cross Cultural Musical Fusion .. it has not lifted me and it has seen me through the day.
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