Here It Comes Again - Day 5

March 16th 2006

On our walk today, the dog and I whilst in the moment saw a funny hedge of normalness with a stupid looking ball of hedge a little way along, it looked completely wrong, but hey, I ain't no Alan Titchmarsh !! We saw a beautiful moon and star mobile in the upstairs window of a house we passed. There was a pumpkin flowerpot containing a birds nest, possibly once a plant ! I have walked past these houses before and not noticed these things. At the top of the hill on the home straight, I was marvelling at the amount of life there is to enjoy when in the moment, trees, flowers, even brambles blowing in the breeze.

I went to my room, lit some candles and began my creation, since sending out my stars last week, I have recieved many heartfelt thank yous and have been very touched in return, I want to mark this as otherwise, there is the possibility that the words will pass me by and I want to start to allow them in. I made a mandala with beautiful gold wrapping paper from my birthday and these words and sat with it a while, reading what people have said again, some of them are really moving and not at all what I expected when I sent the stars. I sprinkled it with sunflower petals. I have come to know some truly beautiful people during my Tai Chi journey and Poulstone experiences. When I write this, I acknowledge that other people consider me beautiful too and this still seems rediculous to me, I hope one day this will not seem so rediculous, as I would like to be beautiful.

Inspired by something said at therapy yesterday, I created an AND and a BUT mandala, today these mandalas were what AND and BUT represented for me.

Four of my candles seem to have joined themselves together and that's ok, they have run all over my desk and that's ok too. There are two pigeons kissing on the aerial opposite, but a think the chav has spotted my voyeurism and has departed.

After lunch, I made two mandalas which are my favourite so far, one was inspired by a story about a beggar in 'The Power Of Now' and is a outline of me (?) and my body is filled with golden pathways .. it symbolises inner treasure. The other came out of a mandala meditation in my 365 Tao book, it said that 'Our daily activities are our mandala' and it became and spiral of words describing my day and swirling colourfully out from the centre (the beginning of my day). On the downside, it made me dizzy writing round and round in a circle, on the upside, how could I possibly have chosen a more perfect project.

I re-visited the first mandala of the day and sat again with those words which touch me and are for me and about me ..

I felt the need to sit as I seem to have been 'busy' all day .. I found it hard to sit and let my mind be quiet, so I sat instead and did some self massage, first my head and neck, my face and then my hands.

I took nourishment in half a cabbage for tea !!! (I'm sure T thinks he's cooking veg for five thousand). And then to Bailey and his Irish Cream .. another successful mandala day.

Right now, for sure, things are looking up .. up .. up ...