Rainbows Do It For Me Every Time - Day 14

The View From My Window
May 15th 2006




This morning, I did not get up when I woke up, I lay in bed and let the new day approach me slowly, it was pouring with rain and I was quite looking forward to a 'wet' walk for a change, it is warm.

The fragrant blossoms were profound this morning and our walk was pleasant, was I really there today, no, lost once more in thought, in process, in somewhere other than the moment. I met someone who I used to work with many moons ago, she was telling me how she has finally 'escaped' after 30+ years with the same employer and now works at 'Horseworld' where she is paid much, much less and where she grooms donkeys and takes pleasure in every working day at last, she wishes she had done it years ago .......... yet again, another reminder for me that life is way too short to let it just pass by .. I want to take pleasure in every day .. my project is the doorway for me into this other world.

So, I sit, drain my tea and my project day now lies before me. Without any ideas, I look out of my window at a world of growth, a world ever moving, flowers, blossom .. life. A blackbird in search of the juiciest worm, the sparrows fight as usual over the nuts, swifts and pigeons all right here in this moment with me.

I try to find that inner quiet .. I can hear T on the phone downstairs .. still thoughts race at me and I can't let them go .. I am distracted. I try to 'Draw the point from which I am observing all this internal chatter, back from my forebrain into the centre of my brain between my ears' as Barefoot suggests 'This will still the raging thoughts in my forebrain that generally are disturbing my peace of mind', this does not work.

A sparrow sits fluttering on the trellis post below me, he is desperately calling, calling .. no-one seems to hear him but me and as I am not a sparrow, I ain't much help to the poor little chap. He flies off as T comes up, I know he is going to come into my room (T obviously .. not the sparrow !), he doesn't .. I am holding in my shoulders, I relax .. I am impatient and want to create. I want it to be different today, I want it to be special, I want it to blow my mind.

I make three mandalas, the first is a cop out, I just draw a circle on patterned paper and I get mad, what's the point in that, it just looks like a circle cut in patterned paper .. I see my dream-catcher hanging from my shelf, it is rainbow coloured, rainbow colours do it for me every time ! I place the dream-catcher on the page and trace around the web and colour it in, it's ok and I am still not impressed .. I cut a star, it's inside a border, I use more rainbow colours to trace around it .. it's just boring and nothing so far has changed anything about my day, raging thoughts continue to rage.

The star inspires me to create ever decreasing circles of colour on card and I kind of think, I could make some kind of mount for last weeks friendship bracelets, I don't really know what yet and I have nothing else, so hey .. I cut circles from card, I cut many rainbow coloured circles from paper, put them together and what have I got ? Wow, they look really cool .. then I remember amongst my growing collection of creative books !! I have a book on card making and I remember reading about stitching a heart .. I trace a heart template from the book and it fits perfectly onto my circles, I cover the central hole with a heart and add the initials of the Deepeners .. now during all this circle creation and stitching enjoyment (who am I ? I am someone who doesn't do stitching !) my shit has gone .. just gone .. I have been right here all the time, same room, same view, same day, same shit and thoughts are no longer raging and they haven't been all afternoon .. Love, Joy, Peace & Happiness .. has overflowed from last week.

These mandalas are a perfect transportation device for my friendship bracelets and so I begin to attach them by stitching back through the heart and then tying them to the back, I then write the words Love, Joy, Peace & Happiness, it feels like each bracelet is made with and sent with these sentiments. I use the principles big time as this process is fiddly (and who am I ? I am someone with no patience who does not do fiddly !).

I cook courgettes for tea, followed by strawberries and cream.

I start to make envelopes for my creations. I cut myself on the bastard aluminum paper .. blood stained creations would be possibly less well received.

My day has been uninterrupted and this afternoon also pretty much uninterrupted by even me .. I got out of the way !!

In bed by 9.20 looking up into the sodium light polluted cloud making a beautiful colour to behold.

Today feels good .. I feel good ..

Another day tomorrow, another moment for life to approach me if I let it ..