Letting Go Of The Form

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Since my project began, I have not played the form at all outside my weekly classes, I have wrestled with this on and off and mostly I am able to let it go. I could have said here 'Since my project began, I have not done Tai Chi outside my weekly classes', however I do not feel that way and following a discussion about it at therapy today, I do not believe it is that way. Since the Summer Gathering, Tai Chi for me has not been about 'the form', it has been far greater a gift. In fact I do not believe it wrong to say that now, finally (since the project began), I do Tai Chi every day - amongst other things, every moment of 'true' silence inside myself is Tai Chi.

As I am feeling better about things at the moment and I am currently blessed with some space alone at home .. yesterday, it called to me .. I would play a form, not because I haven't done so for ages, not because I thought I should, just because it felt like it was something I wanted to do right at that moment, with the space I had available .. I put on some music and began to play the form, I played over and over, dancing the form to the music, letting it move me, riding the high. My arms in the flow of the intention of my waist .. swimming in air .. touching the space (hands touching the world). To let go of 'having to do' the form feels liberating and although like I said, I pretty much let go of it at the Summer Gathering, there is still a part of me which feels 'bad' because I haven't been 'doing' it. I had a mail the other day from a Deepener saying that 'their weekly time-out begins with some stretches and some form stuff and then the project arises from that place' as I read this, I heard that nagging voice inside say, my own project is all very well and good and touching me more than I could have imagined AND I have not been 'doing' any Tai Chi. When I played the form yesterday because I could, that voice was gone and everything was good.

I give thanks for those moments of form and forgive the rest. It may call to me again soon, it may not .. right now .. truly .. that is ok.