It's All Good On Day 12

May 1st 2006

Another glorious day and today, the dog and I went for a project walk with a new twist.. we had company, L invited me for coffee and I told her I couldn't because it's project day and I spend the entire day alone with myself, however, I suggested we walk the dog together, so we did. It was really great to see her and a lovely change to walk the dog with company, so an altogether nice start to my day (and hopefully to L's too !).

I got back and T has gone far away north today to watch the bike racing, so the whole day, the whole house at my disposal. I brought all my 'stuff' down from my room and pushed what little furniture there is in the dining room to the edges so creating a huge space in the centre as I had an idea I wanted to try today, for which I need more space.

But first, a mandala made of coins from my change pot which is a bit full £6.86 of mandala. Then some more bottletops, I will thread them onto string like the others as I'm heading for the biggest, most impressive bottletop mandala in the world ever .. ever .. ever .. but today, I just lay them out in a cool design (I think so anyway).

While walking earlier, we saw a robin in the tree right by the side of the path, I would've liked a photo of the little chap, but he was camera shy, so I had to let that go already. It is going around in my mind that I would like to draw him in a mandala, but I can't draw .. so I'm fighting with that at the moment, maybe I will embrace it later.

Next, I spent a while fixing 9 pieces of the largest paper I have together to make an almightly huge piece and then proceeded to lie in the centre and trace around my body, when I got up, well, it looks a bit strange and I don't really have much of a head, but hey I am strange and I can let the head thing go, it actually looks cool like that !

I then drew a circle around me .. actually not all around me as I should have used 12 pieces of paper and not just 9 because there isn't enough space to draw a circle to go around me entirely - again I let this go - it looks quite cool too that my feet stick out of the bottom of the circle, maybe it means something ?! other than the fact that I should've used 12 pieces of paper I mean ..

More most excellent music on the stereo .. there is a setting, just loud enough to rock the house and just quiet enough so the mortar remains in between the bricks - that's where I set my music today (I am aware that I noted before that I always play music too loud when there is no need .. and today is a loud day !)

So with the house rocking and the dog persistantly sitting on my paper (even though if I have asked him once I have asked him 20 times to not sit on my paper) stuff it .. who is in charge here anyway .. I began to fill my body on the page with 'all good' words .. words .. and more words .. I used rainbow colours .. by lunchtime, my body was full to overflowing with words. The words reflect Tai Chi qualities and after lunch .. mmmmm freshly baked and still warm crusty bread rolls mmmmm, I put more words around the circle facing in.

More and more cool music, continues to rock the house.

Tried to take pictures, but as it is the biggest mandala in the world I am having problems fitting it all in the frame .. well .. you get the idea.

I had become quite attached to one particular CD and started to be touched by the words in the songs. I have just been given a new mandala colouring book and so I sat quietly inside to colour .. and colour and .. colour.

I got cold, I put the heating on .. cosy .. colouring .. music .. real touching music .. warmth .. peace and a general feeling of wellbeing.

It came to me whilst sitting that when I am at Poulstone I feel so worthy .. mostly elsewhere I do not.

I am feeling restful .. and my mind has become very active, I currently cannot/am choosing to not put down my thoughts.

I stopped colouring and came to just be with the music .. restful once more.

I tried drawing a few things in mandalas, I drew a pitcher pouring water into the sea, a broken heart, an eye surrounded by a star. I tried to steal words from a song and make a poem, it just did not work .. guess that's what happens when you plagurise .. what goes around comes around !!

I lit some candles, dusk is starting to take a hold. I decided to try to draw the robin in a mandala .. I have been reading a book called 'How To Draw Anything - A Complete Guide' which I am a bit at odds with as it is supposedly for beginners and then promptly suggests I draw 'A Country Scene' ! 'A Winter Night' !! 'An Evening On The River' !!! 'A Harbour Scene' !!!! and 'A Ruined Church' !!!!! - AND I cannot draw !!!!!! anyway ... blah blah blah .. it does say somewhere that you shouldn't be too concerned at trying to draw what you see in detail at first, just try to capture the essence of it .. so .. I think trees are green and so I draw lots of green and a robin is small and it's brown with a red breast and so .. I draw a little brown thing with a red breast .. I hate it, it's shit .. along with the other things I have drawn, although I do think the broken heart is ok.

Night falls, T arrives home, I retire to my room, I lay in bed looking up at the sky, there is a tiny star directly opposite me, it is so so tiny and for a moment I get a flash of the reverse, like the star is looking down at me, a tiny speck on the surface of this huge planet, right here in my room. I feel humble.

I had trouble going off to sleep and when I did, yet another bad dream .. I'm getting pretty used to the bad dreams now.