No Longer A Learner/Always Beginners Mind On Day 31

September 22nd 2006

I woke up and due to my own doing, was suddenly under pressure to walk the dog and shower and get to my massage by 10.15am. Everything was a bit of a rush and I got lost instantly in 'things'.

The dog got a shorter than normal walk and I was in Parnall Road before I even remembered it was project day and not just any old day. Once I remembered however, I did come into the moment and look up at the trees lining the street, I saw a hanging basket full of lilac Pansys and the many different shades of green in the bushes and trees along the street. By the end of the street, I was lost once more in 'things' and just concentrating on getting back and getting to my massage on time. I did not indulge in a slow shower, just threw a bit of water and soap on me and then all of a flutter and not at all centred or rooted, got dressed and half ran to my massage .. hmmmm good start to my project day.

A new mix of Nutmeg, Ginger and Rosemary brings me to the moment and all my aches and pains ! not as bad as I thought in fact and much more relaxing than Tuesday night. I was able to let go into the touch. The oils smell lovely and L's knowing hands glide around my muscles once again invigorating and relaxing. As it comes to an end as usual I am sorry it is over.

I walk home, this time a slow amble, in the moment and not in the moment. It begins to spit with rain, I like it, I hope for more. By the time I reach home it is spotting, there are big blobs on my shirt. I make a cup of tea and help T with the trellis. The rain steadily gets more and more. I come to my room. I light 2 candles and open my window to engage with the rain. T comes to my room also, I feel annoyed. I ask him to leave, he tells me he will need my help again, I am soft, that's ok .. he leaves.

As I sit to write this, I feel I am engaging with the weather from my window for the first time in ages. I feel very sleepy and lethargic suddenly .. my muscles will be detoxing .. I drink a pint of water and feel better. I sit and draw some colour filled mandalas. It is pouring with rain now.

Mostly, I am caught in my thoughts (although I am quiet) every now and then I notice there were thoughts and I was not caught, immediately I am caught again !

After lunch, I put down the mandalas and pick up my scrapbook again. I create a few more pages and they look really good, it is going to be so nice to look back at my project in miniature. I can just glance through and be transported back to the moment, week by week.

I decide to revisit the music I listened to on the week I created the stars I sent out to the Deepeners, Robert Miles and Ambient Meditations. T has been in the garden all afternoon and so I remain completely uninterrupted. I feel like I have fully engaged with my project today and that feels good. It has become silent inside and the time has flown by. I have not been caught in my thoughts, or lost in things.

I revisit also, Jennifer Berezan's Praises For The World, the Om Tara Tuttare Ture Soha chant moves me immensely again. It is a traditional chant to the Tibetan Goddess Tara. 'It is She to whom we chant for awakening the mind, healing the body, soothing the dying, helping the dead to cross over and in the Buddhist Bodhisattva tradition, it is She who responds to the cries of the world'.

'Jasmine breeze like incense in my head
Moon high in a coal black sky illuminates my bed
The train outside my window's keeping vespers in the night
Singing praises, praises for the world

Life can make you bitter, life can turn you cold
It seems I've spent most of my own just trying to crack the code
But if I die tomorrow may the last words that I know
Be praises, praises for the world

Some predict the rapture where we all will leave this place
The chosen ones will pack their bags for somewhere out in space
But the holiest words I've ever read or thought or sung or prayed
Were praises, praises for the world'

Lyrics by Jennifer Berezan

We had gardeners pie for tea, it is 10pm and I'm not tired.