Resting On The Wind On Day 28

September 1st 2006

The dog and I walked a very lethargic walk today, my MP3 battery is flat, so there is no dance music to lift us up .. a little pink girl stopped to stroke Corbin, who wagged his tail as he snuffled around the carrier bag she had, at what looked like a loaf of bread ! She asked his name, I said 'Corbin' she said 'Hello Baba' .. 'He's lush' .. 'Goodbye' and then went on her way, so we did too. Following this, Corbin found a bone under a tree nearing the end of the walk and suddenly he found a spurt of energy as he trotted along with the bone hanging out of his mouth slobber dripping from it, charging off home to sit down and devour his find .. unfortunately, before we got home, the bone had fallen into bits and so reluctantly, he left it behind and returned to a leisurely walk home. Was I anywhere near this walk .. absolutely not .. I was lost in this thought and that thought and mostly did not even notice.

I came to my room with a cup of tea as it started to spit with rain. I decided today to light my tall thin candles, I really like them and have not used them at all yet on a project day. T wanted the PC (briefly he said) and so I came downstairs .. it is midday and there has so far not been a mandala or any type of engagement in anything in fact and as I stand by the dishwasher, I think about how my day ticks away and my life ticks away, like the dial in front of me ..



The rain begins again in big blobs making the patio wet in patterns. I sit by the back door on the floor with my tea and watch as everything gets wetter and wetter .. it is very warm ..



.. then the sun comes out gloriously from behind a cloud and there are two sides to the sky, a very blue with pure fluffy white clouds side and a very grey and heavily cloudy side. I hope for a rainbow - just for me on this project day - it doesn't happen ..








.. T finishes finally with the PC and I come back to my room. I have been sent the most awesome photograph (taken by a friend's Step Dad) of a sunset over Namibia and I had high hopes for a mandala I might make with it .. however, I decide that I cannot possibly do the photo justice and so, I simply add some hearts and reflect a while on how amazing the colours are and how beautiful the world can be .. I cannot bring myself to cut it into a circle even and so it remains beautiful just as it is.

I then proceed with coloured pencils to make more colourful mandalas. I put on R's meditation from the last Deepening meet and although I can't seem to engage with it, it does bring quiet inside.

T made some lunch and following this, I make more mandalas while listening to various music. The sun is now fully here and the clouds have passed by. T goes out and I turn off the music and sit to read a bit of my mandala book. I read through a few of the meditations and I get to the 'World Tree'. I am sitting on my sofa bed no-where near the window and the sun somehow reaches my book and is glinting on the moon in the mandala making it shimmer. I feel very quiet and peaceful.

T returns and comes up to interrupt, he sits down and makes himself comfortable to tell me about his day .. I let him talk for a while, not wishing to spoil the calm space where I was .. he shows no signs of going away and I draw his attention to the fact that it is project day and I would like him to leave my room. He does eventually go away.

I continue to read my mandala book. I read about 'a tree being taken by the autumnal wind, the leaves thrashing about, often touching, some falling to the ground' the passage says 'See this as an image of your many niggling anxieties. Imagine the wind dropping, the tree comes to stillness, gets quieter by the minute, a few leaves still flutter to the ground. The air is now motionless, all is calm. The tree is still majestic, still gloriously itself, despite the loss of many leaves. It is now so quiet, there is bird song - your anxieties have fallen away like the leaves. You are at peace' I am very touched reading this and I feel so very silent. I rest in the moment and then I look up, it is very windy outside and the Buddliea is dancing around just like the tree in the book. I watch it and I watch it, tossed left and right, bending and yielding beautifully to the power of the wind. I continue to watch, until the wind dies down and the dancing of the branches is less. Soon it is still. I am moved and am still also.

T makes tea - I remain in my room and continue to make mandalas in this quiet space of calm. Suddenly one appears which I really like.

I eat tea and then run a bath. I lie in the bath letting the hot water hold me in my tiredness, just allowing it to be what it is. After my bath, I fall into bed, by now exhausted. No time for my star, or my sky - just sleep.

Sleep - A state of natural rest - reduction of voluntary body movement, decreased reation to external stimuli, increased rate of anabolism (synthesis of cell restructure) decreased rate of catabolism (breakdown of cell structures) - sleep is necessary for life.

I'm on my way ..