Things Are Really Bad On Day 29

September 9th 2006

I've been feeling so good for so long .. today it's all come crashing down ..

People offered me the help I so desperately want and am unable to accept in this place of bad .. I was offered 'try to stay hearted' .. I can't/won't, not today ..

I do make some mandalas and some of them, I do like .. I decide to try and connect with the bigger energy of the Deepening, by making small mandalas to make contact with my friends ..

I slip lower and lower into this dark place .. I fight with myself and finally, I find it somehow within to reach out, it helps me see again for a little while .. I cry and cry .. deeply hurting .. desperately wanting someone to know how much .. sometimes the journey is so hard and I wish I had never embarked ..

I lie in the sun with the dog a while ..

I listen to 'The Healing Pool' ..

I don't let anything touch me, nothing can penetrate the walls in this place ..