What Are My Moves ?

Effectively the final Deepening meet ..

.. for the first time, I bring no baggage at all .. I realise I have already begun to know what my moves are .. but can I share my most intimate breath without resistance ? the light goes on at 5.20am .. there is a stolen flower and a fraudulent feeling .. I play a form from my heart for M and remain soft throughout .. I feel in love with love .. a face massage brings such a sweet feeling .. as I reflect in a group, I have come such a long way .. I sleep so soundly that I miss the storm .. is there a Sharon in here ? a cup of tea and a prayer flag (blue for peace) .. I shine the light of my hands up over my body and am surprised by how beautiful I feel .. I am hugely moved by my own gestures and then even more so by those of B .. what are my family voices ? nut roast - bleh - cheese and humous .. there is a Ukranian healer with spoons and knives, eggs, water and 'erbs .. there is massage and healing .. I am relaxed .. my form is sincere and has dynamism .. respect .. as it all comes to a close, suddenly, I am blown apart (caught by an old pattern) I spin into turmoil and pain .. I reach out and am forgotten .. I spiral further into panic and talk nonsense in a circle .. I feel directed anger and then such softness as my heart opens for another but not for myself .. I am moved, but still caught .. there is a tiny bear on a ring - I let it touch me, still caught .. I reach out again, I can't help it, feeling so troubled .. I miss the end lost inside my (old) self .. I feel selfish and angry with myself .. life is too short .. an opportunity which I know I will miss .. I am misunderstood .. I am so, so sad .. we leave ..

.. at home .. I sit alone in the dark after a weekend filled with love which I enjoyed so much .. and .. I fall apart .. I want to call .. everybody .. anybody .. I find reasons not to and then finally I can take it no more, from the pit of myself .. I dial the numbers and on the other end there is nothing .. I am broken hearted ..