Mein Liebling Meine Liebe

.. I know I need to go very slowly and gently and I feel ready now to do so (can I still be a warrior after all ?) ..

.. I light my rose candle and begin to play Manifestation again .. I have been holding the DVD of my form next to the Manifestation CD case for ages (is that stupid ?) .. I put the DVD in the drive .. I straighten my warriors spine .. I breathe and relax and I hit the button and I stand fully in the moment and in front of my form ..

.. at first it feels ok .. then it approaches the bit where I go to pieces .. I am aware of tension and I feel like I can't stand to watch .. I am also aware that the music is playing, holding me in it's arms .. I am holding the scented rose candle .. I'm ok .. I let go and I just watch ..

I see holding in my shoulders, I see me going way too fast, rushing to my destination, wishing for it all to be over, I see doubt and fear, I see a complete lack of compassion for my struggle and no heart at all, I see me feeling I have learned nothing at all ('Fear will tell you nothing has changed')

.. I continue to stand before it and I let the DVD roll .. I watch the second form, I do not go 'wrong' this time but for the same reasons it is no better .. I watch the recording of all three of us playing together and I am touched .. I feel privileged all over again to be sharing my journey with these two beautiful people .. I am softer ..

Manifestation finishes and the rain beats down on the window pane.