WOW - Celeb-rating Instead Of Be-rating

.. there was a reading from the Tao Te Ching which didn't touch me .. followed by the experiment of the first in class chant .. ahhhhh from the tantien and oooooo from the heart .. I was moved and resonating .. open and different .. already different .. and still something inside me balked at prospect of more partner work before the form .. and this time it was ok, something was moving in me .. I felt joined with my partner (K) as I traced the dynamic energy in and out of her root while she moved .. then it was my turn and trying too hard, I didn't get it .. I felt the prickle of anger and I felt the slide toward the beginning of the beating .. G came over and explained it again and almost magically, I got it .. her hands were tracing my energy and I got it .. I was waving hands in clouds and I was Tai Chi !

I had been trying to 'understand' it with my (linear) mind (because that's what I do - that's who I am?). Now, I could feel this all going on and other stuff too and I felt inflated ! and amazing .. I wanted to tell the world how great it is to be alive and to be Tai Chi .. we played a form and although the weight was still in my heels now and again, it didn't matter today .. I didn't retain amazing all the way through the form, that didn't matter either .. I kept thinking, this is Tai Chi, this is what it's all about .. everytime I did that, I was lost and the feeling went away .. as I softened to allow again .. it returned ..

G said this is what's happening already and we are simply feeling into it .. to yield, to soften and to allow it to be .. what it is ..

WOW ! A sense of space and a sense of flow. I was filled up with it .. I'm so glad I went to Tai Chi and I'm so glad I continue around this spiral of life because sometimes it can be so rewarding !!!!

I noticed tonight how profoundly different the response when I relay how I feel .. how others can be/are willing to be with me in this .. they are willing to meet me .. in my happiness and my smile .. in contrast to the darker side of me that they do not/will not meet (of course this is my own perception of how it is and so is my truth .....)

I feel and I voice the fear that I WILL crash because I feel so good and that (while walking around the 'mandala of being') is ALWAYS what happens .. a huge high (often unexpected and sometimes a mystery) followed by the hugest low .. however, I am encouraged to rest in the moment where truly I feel amazing.