The Road To Mandala Project Launch Night - Valentine's Day

In true 'me' stylee, this was a bit of a disaster, however, I feel like I have been able this time to hold onto the essence of it and that feels ok.

Like most project related things so far, it feels like it was right to do this tonight, then I remembered it was Valentine's Day, how apt ! It was very windy and my launch involved many candles !! The principles were right there and they saw me through. It was tough and I lived it ! I was alive, not just surviving.

I began with a short meditation on things I wish to nurture and bring to my life through the project and also things I would like to let go of. This was interrupted only 5 mins in, not just a little bit interrupted but completely interrupted with a lack of respect and understanding. I got upset, I shouted, I turned it in on myself and then, I let go of it .. what was the point in sabotaging my evening, it was meant to be, I wanted it with all of me .. so I let it go and once the interruption was gone .. I carried on. My meditation was unsettled, so I moved on to the next part of the launch.

I created cardboard spills on which I wrote the following words ;

FORGIVENESS AWARENESS JOY FREEDOM HONOUR HARMONY HOPE PEACE CLARITY A SMILE HAPPINESS BOUNDARY COMPASSION SECURITY LIGHT COMPANIONSHIP UNDERSTANDING LAUGHTER SPACE SPIRIT STABILITY MINDFULNESS POSITIVITY ALLOWING CREATIVITY GROWTH HEALING ACCEPTANCE STILLNESS STRENGTH PASSION HEART & LOVE

These all symbolise things I wish to encourage and bring more of to my life throughout my project and beyond. In colour therapy, I have learned that green is the colour of heart, so I wrote these words in green.

I also made a small paper balloon (by folding a square), on this balloon I wrote 'I AM LETTING GO - FEB. 2006' and I made tiny cards, on which again in green, I wrote the following words ;

FEAR HOLDING ON FRUSTRATION GUILT LONELINESS ANGER DEPRESSION BITTERNESS ABUSE HATE VICTIM ANXIETY CONFLICT SADNESS RAGE JEALOUSY DISAPPOINTMENT DARKNESS THE PAST CONTROL WEAKNESS ABANDONMENT & FAILURE.

These all symbolise things I wish to let go of from my life throughout my project and beyond.

After a deep in breath, I inflated the balloon with my out breath holding these words and my intention to 'let go' in my awareness. I then posted each little card into the balloon, as each one dropped in, I said it aloud. The last word I dropped in was FEAR, I decided to make another FEAR card and I dropped that in too.

Now armed with head torch, camera to mark the occasion, 33 candles (one for each spill) and my balloon filled with letting go, I went into the garden. There is a large concrete area at the side of the house, here I laid out the candles in a mandala. I had a green candle from which I intended to light the spills, with which I was to light the candles in the mandala, however, it was too windy and the green candle would not stay alight, so in the end, I put a tea light in a plastic tub and then I sat in the mandala with my spills (which kept blowing away !) and my flame.

As I sat in front of the first candle in the mandala, I lit my green candle from the donor tealight in the tub whilst saying 'I light this candle with ... ' using my first spill word. From the green candle, I lit the first spill whilst saying 'I light this spill with ... ' From the spill, I lit the candle in the mandala again while repeating 'I light this candle with ... ' I then moved to the next candle in the mandala and repeated the process for the next spill word, first lighting the green candle from the tealight, then lighting the spill and finally lighting the candle in the mandala.

It was so windy, each of the candles in the mandala soon went out, it did not seem to matter. I continued on around the mandala, lighting the green candle, the spill, and the candles in the mandala.

By the time all the candles had been lit, I had endlessly rescued my spills, my notepaper and my letting go balloon, as they continually blew around. Sometimes they were wet as they had blown into a wet puddle nearby. I had used more than a box of matches ! None of this mattered, it was all part of it.

The last candle I lit in the mandala was lit with LOVE, I purposely left this until last. I held my letting go balloon in my hands and lowered it over the LOVE candle in the mandala, I kept saying 'I let go with LOVE' and soon the balloon was alight.

I watched as the balloon burned, the LOVE candle and the balloon were in the plastic tub (because of the wind) and it wasn't very long before the plastic tub caught fire and I had a (small) but raging inferno !! I felt my fear rise up and I fought with the fear for a while, what's the worst that can happen ? It will burn itself out .. right ? In the end, my fear got the better of me and a threw a bucket of water over the fire, it fizzled and popped and then it was gone.

Briefly, I felt like I'd spoiled the end .. then I let that go too.

I gathered up my spills (each one extinguished after the lighting of the mandala) and my candles and came back inside.

In my sacred space I re-lit each candle in turn. I now only had 32 candles as the final LOVE candle was frazzled in the tub fire ! This did not matter either, I used the green candle for LOVE and I lit this one last, as I blew each one out, I repeated their associated word once more.

I then sat to write about my evening. By now there was rain and the wind has picked up even more. The rain was pounding on my window and my candles, spills and balloon had done their job. I had done my job.

I have launched my project, although it was windy, I did not get wet.

I am blessed by MANDALA

SH February 2006