It's Still Day 32

This is all very well, I have made sand mandala after sand mandala and then I fill the picture frame and the little trinket box from the kit with the coloured sands .. but I feel I have completely missed the real quiet intention that I set out with .. that to pour the sands would be a meditation and it would be an expression from within .. I now have loads of mixed sand and a nagging 'why didn't I do it properly' ? in the back of my head which I need to let go of. I 'should' sit and let go of this .. I do not, instead I move on to my scrapbook which is where I really want to be .. perhaps I should've poured the sand another day ? perhaps, this was just meant to be ?

All afternoon and evening I make scrapbook pages and again I really enjoy myself .. scrapbooking feels really good and feels like something I will continue to do for sure. As my evening comes to a close, I notice that I have once again not been caught by thoughts .. they must've been there and I was not caught .. I celebrate this because it happens more and more and is a great move forward .. I have really indulged today, revisiting earlier weeks of my project whilst making the pages.

Today, being week 32 means there are only 16 weeks left to go, we are 2 thirds through .. and on reflection, there have been good times and bad times and I have visited 'amazing' places both inside and outside myself .. all of it has been perfect and I have learned a lot about myself and the inner and outer world where I live my life. I had a fear at the start that I would be bored .. I always get bored quickly with things and I am not and have not at any point been bored with this project, the weekly separation from 'how it usually is' has been more powerful than I could have ever imagined and has brought (among other things) peace, joy and love into my life - which was there before, I just did not allow it.

So, I have revisited music I have used in previous weeks and I have connected again with the bigger energy of others on this adventure.

Recently, I wrote R and I wanted to say 'Why can't the Deepening be forever' and then I realised that my Deepening is forever .. I'm not going to stop .. it's not going to stop .. it's a roller coaster ride for life ..

Maybe when the Deepening ends, my project may morph into something else, but I'm going to continue the day each week separate from 'everything else' because it has become my special time and has given me so many gifts.

I put the Healing Pool on the CD and I listen quietly while sitting with a cup of tea. T has not been out at all today and mostly this afternoon, he has left me alone .. this always helps me to touch into myself more.

A thought arises that I have to work tomorrow - shit - and that's walking around the mandala right ? so I let go and stand in the centre, in this moment of now .. I'm not at work and all is well.

It's been another most excellent day ..