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.. so, last week in such a bad place after Tai Chi, I felt the need to work with an almost desperate attention on the weight in my heels .. I was 'doing' it 'wrong' .. I hated myself and my Tai Chi all over again .. this week after my 'WOW' moments last night, I no longer felt that need and also now maybe a reluctance to 'go there' at all, in fear of being swallowed in the 'bad shit' again .. I was understood and we slowly and gently visited it paying attention to how my knees are today ..

.. turns out (surprise, surprise) the problem isn't in my knees .. my ankles are not soft .. they are holding .. and maybe .. I'm turning too far (soft limit ?) and I'm 'trying' to make the moves bigger than they need to be (do less ?) .. and so softer .. softer .. move slower .. soften my ankle .. soften my ankle .. soften my ankle .. soften my ankle .. soften my ankle ..

.. lying on the floor there is holding in my hips .. in my knees .. in my ankles .. have the intention to let go in my hip .. easier said than done .. gradually it happens ..

.. and in the Tai Chi class, I don't turn back so far .. I put a soft intention in my ankles and I don't 'do' so much .. it is so much better and the weight is not in my heels (bargain !) ..

.. we pay a visit to A .. it is great to see her .. I leave feeling a mixture of really happy and really sad ..