Bad Following Good

Today another panic attack, almost 5 hours, I'm in control on and off, mostly, I am not .. this one is too much, I am over whelmed and I am terrified .. it's too close to the previous one ..

I have hardly slept .. I go to work .. I arrive and there is another panic attack .. I sit in a room with another for an hour .. I am calmer .. I go on with my work ..

.. I reach out three times .. I am met three times .. I am thankful and blessed and still terrified ..

What is it I am finding hard to swallow ?
What is it I am holding back ?
What is it that remains unsaid ?

Is this the final assault to convince me I cannot move on or do this alone ?